The Parenting Twilight Zone

By Linda Sherwood

I've spent a few years at this parenting thing and I know there are stages of a child's development. Actually I know about the stages because of college classes, but you know what I mean, right?

I have four children ages 12, 10, 9 and 7. You can tell, by those ages, I am clearly out of the diaper stage. In most instances my children are capable of feeding and clothing themselves. They know how to use the telephone, complicated math and can all write complete sentences.

It's been a long time since I needed childlocks on the kitchen cupboards. After years of hiding the scissors, locking the bathroom door from the outside (only took one replaced toilet to decide on that one), and strict childproofing, I thought I could relax.

I thought I was fully immersed in the stage that is overflowing with teenage angst and attitude, yet still has a bit of that school-age child thing going. Whatever stage I am in, I thought I was well passed the stage when I had to be aware of where my razor was every single second. After all, two of my children now shave. Oh wait, I better make that three.

My youngest daughter, Maxine, is missing part of her eyebrows.

I didn't notice the missing eyebrows. Her dad was the more observant one, but even he didn't realize what was wrong.

When Maxine woke up, my husband, Steve, said she looked tired. "Does she have bags under her eyes?" I looked into Maxine's face, particularly the spot under her eyes and saw nothing out of the ordinary. "Nope. She's fine."

Later, in passing, Steve stopped and really looked at Maxine again. "Are you wearing make up?" No make up.

It wasn't until late afternoon after Maxine clued in a sister "Do my eyebrows feel funny to you?" that Steve and I figured out what was wrong with Maxine. I'd like to claim it was my highly refined observation skills, but it was more likely the "Maxine! You shaved your eyebrows!" exclamation that came from the back seat.

I swiveled around and looked, and then I could see it. Her right eyebrow is barely there. The left eyebrow is mostly there, but it looks like someone took a bite out of it. Then I entered into a conversation I once heard Bill Cosby talk about during his comedy act. In other words, I was in the Parenting Twilight Zone.

"Maxine, what happened to your eyebrows?"

"I don't know."

"Have you had your eyebrows with you all day today?"

"Yes."

"Then what happened to your eyebrows?"

"I don't know."

After some tears and some quality time on the couch, Maxine managed to remember what happened to her eyebrows -- she shaved them off. But I was still in the Parenting Twilight Zone.

"Why did you shave your eyebrows?"

"I don't know."

Since that time, Steve and I have managed to tease Maxine unmercifully. We've even had the opportunity to tell and show family members. As we arrived at my mom's house, Maxine informed me, "Dad said I didn't have to show anyone if I didn't want to." Fat chance of THAT! What good is it for your child to do something stupid if you can't tease them about it and tell everyone?

But truly, I should have known. Maxine is the daughter who for most of her young life didn't have a decent haircut because every time it started to grow out the girl would find scissors and cut her hair. Most kids do that once, but not Maxine. What's that you say? How did she keep getting the scissors?

I don't know.

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